I can stare at this blank screen here for quite a while before something jumps into my thoughts that I’d like to share, or anything that strikes me as interesting. Once again I’m a day late releasing a post here, trying to form these good habits while trying to listen to what my body tells me comes with conflict. I want to get out of bed say 6ish to get the day going, be productive, for me that means a hike or jog, getting some blogging in or teaching myself video editing, (for what come next). I’ve be guilty of reading a few self-help books over the past couple years, and although I can relate to some of the success these books preach and the mind set that may be needed to succeed, hell they’ve published a book(s) and I’m still trying to sort out what to write about two days a week.
One of the common practices that seems to be instilled in these type books is to rise early, 5 a.m. go get that work done, before you go to that other job and then continue to preform your best, excellence excels! Lol, well I have a had time rising before 8 a.m., so does that put me behind the eight ball for becoming successful? I really don’t think so, I believe most human bodies require 8 to 9 hrs of good old sack time. Now I can be on the go at 4 or 5 am somedays, but to do it consistently come on? Really? I may be able to maintain for a short bit, but by 10 that overwhelming feeling to shut down or worse yet, grab another coffee just to keep you going, no thanks.
So I used to feel guilty rising at 8, especially since being off work at first I feel like I was useless, unmotivated….not true. What I was doing was getting what my body craved, rest and recovery. Because of Cancer I believe I require more, as does most of the population, but with a disease trying to, say invade, but it’s already here, so my body is trying to cease it’s advance. So, sleep along with regular exercise, proper diet and my treatment are the way to do it.
I’m not saying these self-help books don’t have valuable information, it’s just taking pieces of it and working it into my life and what I think success really is. Not to put a downer to this but, for myself and many others afflicted by Cancer the measure of success( to me) is ultimately surviving and having the highest quality of life as possible. Now me personally so far the choices I have made have seemed to work for the most part, heading into the end of the year I start reflecting on where my year began and how it’s about to end. I’m fortunate enough to still count my life in years, it was about this time last year when I got results of a GA68 scan that really showed the extent of the spread this disease had through my body. I’ll refer you to this post http://stephenmedhurst.ca/2021/04/13/how-serious-it-is/ it paints a picture of where I was last year.
After reading that one and knowing where the cancer all is, this year, along with the setbacks of bowel obstructions and a sore ass after treatment the diagnosis is still the same, so for the most part the cancer has remained stable. I’ve been asked many times if I’ll go into remission, and my answer for now is no. I honestly don’t know if it ever will and with it being palliative it’s here to stay. So for this year to go by and the disease to remain relatively stable is very positive and for me to be able to still enjoy most of the hobbies and things that bring me joy in life, is a very big positive I’ll take from this year. Along with the metal training and get support staff I’ve had this year, I can only hope to grow stronger and more aware next year, still searching for myself and my real true meaning for my being. I’m proud Father to two young men, searching for themselves with a long life ahead for them, I have a beautiful wife, who I adore and constantly encourages and challenges me to be better and that is important, being just content surviving over the nest who knows how many years isn’t enough, being pushed and encouraged is important for me. I have felt for many years there is more to me than what I settled to be the last part of my life, I have no regrets, I’ve had great life. Just have this feeling there’s many more layers yet left to peel back and as I continue to post, more and more seems to rise to the surface.
If Cancer has given me one positive, it’s that I’ve been forced to look deep inside and find who I really am, reflecting and writing help bring those new pieces out.
I read a lot and I still browse through self help books, while some I can’t help but blurt out while I’m reading, “Oh, come on, really no way”. Everyone is always looking for a way to feel happiness inside and while reading some of these novels can of coarse make you feel better and inspired while finishing the read, ready to take whatever info you’ve learn and transfer it into your life. Sometimes to only feel worse when the success preached in those books doesn’t work out how you intended it to be. Leaving you in almost a more lost state.
Finding true happiness, just typing that makes me think, how do you find that? Where does it come from? I believe that differs 100% for everyone, it’s something a lot of people chase and can never seem to find. Of coarse happiness is different for everyone, My wish for the new year is that everyone could find a piece of real happiness. I still search daily for what makes me happy and try to obtain it, whether writing a blog, cooking a nice dinner, hiking or jogging a good distance, finding that perfect campsite and as simple as just looking at a map of somewhere to explore. Trying to be a better human!
Time is a gift, it’s one you can’t return. You can only use it once, find happiness once in your day and take that to bed with you and repeat. I still struggle with this, I’m a work in progress, but have made significant strides and will continue into the new year. With a CT scan looming in early January, the anxiety starts to creep in. But it’s different this time, through the training I’ve done and the help I’ve received, I no longer only predict the worst outcome, I feel pretty good today so therefore the scan will be positive, there’s no need to worry it can’t help anyway.
To leak a little of our life coming in the next years, which brings happiness to us. Tracy and I went and checked out a modified bus, made as a camper/RV, if this gives you any hint on to where life is taking us, there you go….on the road. Over the next year my blog will also morph into a vlog as we hope to show you a glimpse of our lives navigating the up and downs of life on the road with cancer. And living the dream…our dream, to take in as much of this world as possible. We are excited and of coarse nervous, but will make this work and I will always continue to blog and update you, the reader As you all become part of my family, who knows, in the not too far future I may stop in???
If you think we have our shit together and are 100% prepared for this…lol…well your wrong. While Tracy has done her research, this will be on the fly learning, now I’m a bit mechanical and she’s very friendly and personable and that will help with life on the road….However half the fun are the pitfalls, aren’t they? If I’d never gotten sick, we would be still living the same old stale lifestyle of going through the motions. We may have been healthy before, but boy it was mundane life, work, eat, sleep. Sorry life is too short for that and mine will be shorter than most. When we’re gone don’t we want to be really remembered? People look back and say man I miss him/her. Leave a legacy of fun, determination and inspiration. I’m just one person, but selfishly that’s what I want people to think and I have lots of Time yet to make that happen.
This upcoming year will be an interesting one, hope your here to read and follow along and feel free to re-blog my posts, awareness is the key for my type of cancer and I don’t ever want to lose that message here. One more post before Christmas. Cheers! and much Love.