I’ve been debating here for an hour or so, time wasted, whether to take off and go for a run while the sun is out and shining bright today or take this time to write what will be today a shorter post. If you’ve been following along and honestly why wouldn’t you be, on Friday we had to take the hour and a bit drive to Brantford to see my Oncologist and get the results of my latest CAT scan and lab work. After three years of scans and tests the anxiety of getting results has subsided a bit…I think, or after this amount of time I just don’t notice it as much leading up to the appointment. I’m a little superstitious and tend to park out front of my old house only a couple blocks away from the hospital and take the short walk there. After the usual friendly greeting, they take my weight and we go take our seat. Then to my surprise it’s barely a minutes wait and the nurse calls my name and we’re in the Dr’s office (room) whatever you want to call it. The nurse always comes in first and asks how I’ve been and what type of symptoms I may have had over the last few months. I have been feeling a little more fatigued at some points, to the point where I HAD to lay down and that I also have had stomach issues, But that they seemed to be random, as I track my food intake and the time between treatment to see if there is a connection, but I couldn’t find one. They also always ask about my mental state, to which the answer is, it’s always up and down and something I’m constantly working on to improve…no quit. The nurse wraps up the questions and assures me the doctor will soon be in.
Within fifteen minutes my Oncologist comes in and announces “Good News, everything looks stable and I’m happy with the scan.” The news comes with some great relief and I tell him that I was a little worried this time given that I feel more tired, foggy and that my stomach has been giving me more grief than usual. Like I thought, his answer was that this is just part of the journey and over time these symptoms will progress, but that I was doing everything right and it shows in the results. Just keep tracking my food intake and listen to my body and rest when needed, something I’ve slowly been learning to do, not easy. This was Tracys second time she has been able to come to a results appointment with me, (covid) the first time with my previous Oncologist and she agreed with me that she was a great Doctor. In fact all my Doctors have been great, but she had a few more questions on Friday and funny how that happens when I have a handsome, charming oncologist? I think she may have liked him only a little better, lol, oh lucky her to be in the same room with two witty, good looking guys…jokes. We quickly go over my treatment, which will remain the same and off he goes to the next patient and us back to the vehicle for the ride home.
When getting positive news you’d think it’d be all great and life can temporarily get back to normal and it kind of does, we went to a friends for some dinner and had a good time. But, after a while and even a good nights sleep there it what I would describe as an “anxiety dump”, it’s good news, but the lead up just fills you with such emotion that when you get the results (even when they’re positive) I just get this release of energy that leaves me feeling exhausted, spent and maybe even mildly depressed. Now these feelings don’t last too long and it’s important to acknowledge them and understand why it happens. It’s during this time when I find a place alone and just breath, take my time and start to control these feelings, as to not overwhelm myself and with the help of some of the coping tools I’ve learned along the way like jotting these thoughts and feeling down in a journal help me work through it.
Then not too long after, I’m back to more myself again and usually lace up my shoes for a refreshing jog, to clear any leftover thoughts, happy that I am still able to put one foot in front of the other. Doing my best to ignore the phone call coming in from the hospital, setting up my next round of appointments. I’ll just let it go to voicemail and enjoy today. Click here to visit the living with nets stories, mine included.
I should also mention I had the pleasure of chatting with a journalist from Stratford Today and will soon have that story available for all read and will be posted as soon as completed. Life can be pretty rough sometimes, but if you stick with it, results just may happen.
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