When you go into your Blog site dashboard, most days it will give you a daily prompt to help you keep writing, something to think about. Todays caught my eye, now I don’t take this as a bleak question, given the fact of my diagnosis, in fact many of us can out live Nueroendrocrine Cancer and have fulfilling lives. However, it also has the ability to steal your life away from you and not just in death, but also quality of life, extreme anxiety or depression.
I have been to a few celebrations of life over the last couple weeks and each time I go it does make me question my own mortality. Driving home from those and looking in the rear view mirror knowing that death is coming for me, for all of us. “Not today”, is what I tell myself in a steely reminder to find joy and pain in everyday as best I can. I have a story to tell and it’s one of hope and resilience, I was reminded of that last night when scrolling on Facebook ( yes a good time waster ) and found that my youngest son had shared my latest news article with the caption; It’s incredibly important to tell stories, this story is particularly important. Now he doesn’t use Facebook very often, apparently it’s for “old” people? When reading that I could feel a sense of emotion over take me and almost brought me to tears. I often forget the toll my disease can take on those closest to me.
Back to the question, while death doesn’t really scare me, it reminds me of those goals left to achieve in this life. One is just try and be a better human, kinder, open, without losing my sense of humour of coarse. To listen to other peoples stories and read about fantastic adventures, after all who’s going to read mine if I’m not willing to do the same. During the first year of all this there would be sleepless nights, woken by dreams of impending doom, some written down others still sit fresh in the back of my mind. After finding the resources I needed sleep comes pretty easy now and I don’t have all those same anxious thoughts, as I’ve learned I can live with Cancer, I’m not happy about about it, but have learned we can co-exist in a symbiotic relationship. So the thought of death drives me in a positive way, making sure to live a healthier life, exercise, proper diet and taking time for myself and others who deserves my time. Helping show others that there is life after a diagnosis like this and brings me back to this computer on days when I’m not feeling it. Responding to those e-mails and comments from people (strangers) whose kind words tell me how I’ve touched there lives and helped motivate them.
Death is not an easy thing to talk about, but it’s a discussion we all need to have, but as I’ve mentioned it’s changed my perspective in many different ways, but in other ways I’m still back into old Steve. Worried about money, future and just what the hell I’m going to do each day, without waste. I have made small gains in a lot of those areas and it’s something I will continually work on. The fear of death has in fact caused me to lose some of those fears we all carry around with us or I do anyway. Such as taking on new roles in life, letting go sometimes and allowing someone to tell me what may be best for me. Not being afraid of showing emotion or being the one who someone in need, needs to lean on. I never would of thought of myself as a public speaker, let alone have a news article done on me because of my writing?? When I look into my past just three short years ago I can’t help but chuckle to myself even as I type this.
Only two thing in life are sure death and taxes and I’d rather deal with death than the other. The thought of death can cause uncertainly and anxiety, but it can also motivate you and help you understand we are only here once, so do what you love and have the best time doing it. Be sure to spend your time with those who deserve it, engage in real conversations and laugh. It’s the best medicine you could ask for. As for taxes, there’s no positive, so no room in this site for that topic…ever.
Leave me a comment about that question, I’d be interested to know everyone thoughts. As always please subscribe and Like as well. Cheers….Steve
2 thoughts on “This is an Interesting Question”
Thank you for this post. My diagnosis sure has provided a clear understanding of what I do and do not tolerate in my life. It has taught me to not take one day for granted and enjoy each day as best that I can.
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