My lungs are burning, legs feel like led every stride is now a challenge ten kilometres in and to make matters worse I’m travelling uphill with the wind in my face. Funny thing is I smile and pick up the pace, see the pain reminds that I’m still here and that nothing will break me not, not ever, my determination to keep moving wins over. ” I’m only here once”, I mutter to myself “Now dig deeper and let’s get this done.” Cars streak pass me, but I hardly notice, I’ve gone to that zone where all I see is directly in front of me. “If you can’t finish a simple run, how you gonna beat Cancer?” Is the question I ask inside to give me more fuel, the fuel to survive. Ahead I see the turn to head home, but there’s also another way and it leads to a hill. We’re all wired to take the easy way and the thought crosses my mind, a warm shower, cold drink and the couch inside. I tell myself I’m not like most and hang a left instead of that easy right and make my way up that hill. The run is now about twelve kilometers in and I can feel my heart racing searching for any little bit of oxygen left. I almost stop to walk and who’d blame me? There’s no one to impress, it’s not a race, I’m all by myself on a cool Thursday afternoon, that voice in my head says walk, it won’t hurt so bad. I yell out loud “no f!@*ing way” my running gait has shortened, but I do not stop. At the top of that hill is a little victory for me the road evens out and once again I can open my stride and pick up the pace. A short time later I make the turn for home and as I approach I slow to a walk, let my heart rate decrease. I walk in the door, face flush, beat red, legs are tired but not completely done, my breath comes back pretty easy. Looking in the mirror as I chug down some water, part of me satisfied, part of me knowing there’s a lot to give. Next time I won’t be so easy on myself.
I’ve had people in the past tell me I’m sometimes to hard on myself, that I was dealt a shitty hand given this diagnosis. I always appreciate that and understand why somebody would say that and care that much to offer such a nice thought. In this day and age of constant bad news, it’s refreshing to know there is real descent people and many come from way back in my life (old friends, distant relatives and complete strangers who comment and I now consider friends.
It’s what I choose to do with this time I have left that for some reason has lit a fire in me, meaning I want push the boundaries and see what this human is capable of, many who face the same diagnosis that I do can’t push themselves that much anymore, meaning their bodies are broken, constantly under attack from the enemy within. That also helps drive me to push harder and longer, whether it’s a fitness challenge or trying to maintain my mental sharpness. Both I believe run hand in hand. I choose to do this for those who can’t anymore, or to show those that the mind can overcome adversity and be trained and strengthened to complete events 99% of us think impossible. I no longer will waste my time procrastinating at what I think is possible, I will go and prove it.
This doesn’t mean everything I try and conquer will be physical, but that’s where we’ll start. I’ve put a lot of thought into this and done my share of research, I can feel my mindset starting to change. If I train my mind to be hard the body will follow and there’s nothing a disease like cancer hates more than a strong body to go along with that tough mind. That means more consistent posts and less procrastinating. I always thought about running a marathon, but I’m starting to think that’s peanuts compared to what I really want to do…think Ultra, google it. Life can begin with cancer, not just end. This is gonna be a hell of a ride.
With all that being said don’t think I spend a good oh…say 5 to 15 minutes somedays staring at my shoes thinking “Why Medhurst, Why?” Until I slip them on tighten them up and find that zone. If you find yourself in the Mitchell or surrounding area, hit me up, once in a while I could use some company.
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3 thoughts on “What Is This Human Capable Of?”
Love your attitude!
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Thank You and thanks for always reading and commenting
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Thank you for yet another inspirational blog. You keep that fire burning inside !!!
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